Used and Wasted
by Annamh
Summary: For a year he had watched her fade away, now their last year has begun, will he be able to save her? Dramione. WARNING: much angst, eating disorder, rape, self harm. Also OOC people.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer- It no mine so you no sue.**

**Prologue.**

She was no more than a corpse, just going from one thing to another. Just a frail shell of a girl. She used to love everything. Magic, love, learning, the world itself! Now, she couldn't see these things. She couldn't cry real tears so substituted them with crimson ones. No-one ever saved her.

He had been watching her. She was wasting away but he didn't know how to save her. He loved how she used to smile, her chocolate eyes smiling with her and gleaming. Now her eyes seemed to be duller and they never smiled. Her mouth acted smiles but never gave a true one. She was becoming so pale and he knew she was close to the edge. He had to save her some how.

END

**A/N. That was the starter of my new fic. Aren't I evil? does evil laugh Anyhoo, please be reviewing. Do you want me to write more than this? Please say? puppy dog eyes**

**--Annamh.**


	2. Chapter 1 The Girl Who Cried Rape?

_**DISCLAIMER- I STILL DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.**_

**Chapter 1- The Girl Who Cried Rape?**

Hermione had been enrolled into a programme at a summer school for gifted children. She'd been going there since she started Hogwarts and she really liked it. Ok, her tutor was kind of freaky: a tall, fat, bearded man with shifty eyes, but he was nice enough; and yeah the uniforms were awful: bright blue tartan mini skirts, black, knee-length, lace-up socks, white blouses, black blazers and black neck-ties. The only thing they were lenient on was the shoes so Hermione tended to wear her black converses. Overall, the school was good and it was nice to get away from her weird double life at Hogwarts.

On the last week before she went back to Hogwarts for her fifth year, she stayed back to hand some work into her tutor.

"Ah, Hermione! Doing extra work again?" He asked, a broad grin painted across his face. Hermione nodded and handed the thick folder over to him.

"It's for Mr. Phelps. Could you please get it to him?" she asked politely. He nodded and walked to the door.

He swiftly turned the lock and smirked at Hermione who looked back in confusion.

"Sir?" she asked quietly.

"Hermione, Hermione. My favourite pupil. I've seen you grow from a small, weak, yet intelligent child to…" He looked at her hungrily "a gorgeous specimen of a woman."

He walked over to her, backing her into a corner. He placed a chubby hand on her back, above her bum and drew her towards him. She tried to pull away but he grabbed her face roughly and smashed his face to hers, viciously attacking her lips. He pulled away and looked at the girl, cowering away in fear. He slid his hand, from her face, down to her shoulder. He turned suddenly and threw her to the floor. He straddled her waist. He pulled off her blazer roughly and her shirt followed suit. He grabbed at her boobs.

"You've grown into a fine woman. Your breasts…" He bobbed his head down and licked the nipple through her bra. "Taste like heaven. They're so round and full." He moaned and snapped off her bra and attacked her breasts. "I've wanted to fuck you since I met you. And you've been begging for it you little slut." He picked her up and laid her on a table. He hit her hard as she tried to get up. He got some rope from his pockets and tied her hands together and tired her by her waist to the cold metal table. Hermione cried and squirmed but without hope. He clambered to kneel over her thighs.

He slid a hand up her thigh and under the skirt. He roughly ripped off her panties and pocketed them. He lifted her skirt up and groaned at the sight of small brown curls. He unzipped his trousers and laughed darkly as Hermione scrunched up her eyes and turned her head away in resignation and disgust.

He thrust into her undeveloped womanhood and her first of many bloodcurdling screams was let loose into the cold air.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Now, Hermione woke from her fitful nightmare and began to cry. She walked to the bathroom and picked up her knife. She slid the cold metal across her pale wrist. The blood started to leak from the cuts and she cut again, the sharp pain numbing her wrist and her mind. She had never been back to that school again but the nightmares still continued to plague her mind. No one knew, not even her best friends. She'd brought it on herself. Even _he_ had said it. She had been begging for it. No one would want her now. She couldn't exactly tell her dad. He would say she was lying and beat her half to death again. She closed her eyes again, trying to squeeze out the memory.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You fucking bitch! I told you not to go near those boys!" Her father cried "You're mine!" His fist connected with her jaw.

"But they were just talking to me! I told them to leave me alone!" Hermione cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Don't give me that shit you whore. You're going to pay for this!" He yelled and kicked her in the ribs.

She fell down as his fist hit her hard in the face. The blood swiftly mixed with her tears and her father continued to pummel her in the face. She managed to run away to the stairs but he caught up with her and hit her hard which sent her tumbling down the stairs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

She opened her sore eyes and ran the blade back and forth across her wrist and up her arm. When her tears had stopped she lay down her knife and washed it and her arm. She put some salve on the gashes and began to pack her trunk ready for school, where she was going for her last year later in the day. She thought about the year that lay ahead as Head Girl as she finished packing her trunk. Who was to be Head Boy with her? She hoped that her best friend Harry would be but knowing her luck it would be someone else like Goyle. She laughed at the point and thought about what she would wear. She decided on a loose fitting black velvet top with long bell sleeves made of a floaty netting material, a dark green, floor length skirt and black sneakers.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that day, Hermione entered the Head's train compartment. She was too tired to wait to see who Head Boy was. She sat on one of the seats, leant against the wall and fell into a fitful sleep.

**A/N. There you go. I know it's really short but I plan to make them longer. I promise there will be more Draco yummyness later. I have time off work for Easter next week so I'll update as much as I can. I'll start the next chapter when I have uploaded this one. Love to all the wonerfluff people who have read this and could you pwetty please review this? I will reply to all comments I get.**

**--Annamh. xxxx**


	3. Chapter 2 Let the Tears Fall

**Disclaimer- NONE OF HARRY POTTER IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**F.Y.I. Italics is for thoughts.**

**Chapter 2- Let the Tears Fall.**

Hermione screamed and jolted awake from her nightmare. She scrambled to the opposite end of the seat. As she regained control over her breathing she pushed a sleeve up and traced the cuts and scars on her wrist and began picking at one of the cuts she had made that morning.

"What are you doing?" asked a silky smooth voice. Hermione jumped up and looked to the other side of the cabin where two silver-blue eyes were looking out at her from a shadow.

"Malfoy!?" she cried.

"Yes. What's on your wrist, Granger?" He said, stepping over to her.

"Nothing to do with you!" she snapped. "Why are you here? This is the Head's compartment."

"I know it is." He gave her a smirk.

"Oh, no! Please say you're not Head Boy?" Hermione said with a groan.

"Don't see why I should lie. What's the problem, Granger?" he said.

"Oh, God." Hermione said sitting down. _Now on top of everything else I have to share living space with this arse? God, give me strength._

McGonagall entered the compartment and explained to them their duties so Draco sat back down and resumed watching Hermione, which disturbed her to no end.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"The password for the Main Entrance is already set. It is Servo Invicium. You may choose a password for your rooms and it will automatically set itself. Make yourselves at home and please try to get along." McGonagall said and left.

"Servo Invicium." Draco said clearly and the portrait swung open. As they stepped through Hermione muttered "Protect each other. Typical."

The two stopped dead at the sight of their new home. A huge, bright white room met their gaze. A thick black carpet lay on the floor and four large sofas were placed strategically in the room. Several large bookcases full of old books stood against the near wall and at the opposite end was a large marble fireplace already crackling away. Two desks were by one wall and they had several quills and inkwells.

They wandered through one arch to a smaller room of marble and mahogany. A large white fridge stood in a corner along with many countertops, a black oven and loads of different kitchen appliances. Another arch led to a small corridor with two portraits next to each other- one of a prancing lion with a crown on its head, the other with a jet black snake hissing, a crown also atop its head. Hermione turned to the first portrait and softly said "ego sum infirmus satis" _Yes._ She thought _I am not strong enough. It's fitting. _Hermione repeated the password and stepped into her new room just as she heard Malfoy saying "You've changed Hermione."

As she pondered these words, she looked around the large room. The walls were black; the carpet red with a huge window looking out over the Grounds and a door leading off into the bathroom she would share with Malfoy. In one corner, by the window, stood a magnificent four poster bed, made of mahogany and with red and gold sheets on it. Loads of tall bookcases stood empty and a large oak wardrobe spread down one wall and another wall had a large desk and several chests of drawers. Hermione flopped down on the bed and felt herself drifting off. No! She was not going to let herself dream of him again. She would just have to keep busy. So, she went to her luggage and began to hang up her clothes, unload her books and equipment. When she had finally finished, she laid out some nightclothes and wandered into the gleaming white bathroom. She moved over to the other door and knocked sharply on the heavy door. It opened and there stood Malfoy in black silk pyjamas.

"Yes, Herm- Granger? What do you want?" Draco asked.

"I'm going to have a bath so your door will be locked. Ok?" Hermione asked, stifling a yawn.

"Ok." Draco said plainly and shut the door.

Hermione shook her head and locked the door. She filled the bath with hot, bubbly water and she grabbed her razor from her room. She sank into the hot water and relaxed. She finally let herself think and the first thing that came into her head was her tutor's words "_You little slut… You've been begging for it." _They chased around her head and she cringed and cut across her hip a little way with her razor. Her stomach growled hungrily. She hadn't eaten for a while. She grinned. She thought to herself how well she was doing, soon she would be thin and pretty and people would like her. Then everyone would want her and she would show him wrong. People would love her. But until then, she was just as fat as she was. Fat, ugly and pathetic. She winced and curled up as much as she could. She quickly decided to wash her hair and then get out of the bath. As she watched the water drain away, she grabbed her razor again and slid it across her wrist, slowly and watched the blood bubble out. She cut again and again and black spots danced in front of her eyes. She sat down, grabbed a towel and pressed it against the cuts, staunching the blood. Suddenly, there was a knocking sound from Malfoy's door.

"Are you done in there? I need the toilet!" Draco yelled through the door.

"Almost!" Hermione squeaked. She folded the towel over and put it back, grabbed her razor and unlocked Malfoy's door. She ran out, forgetting to cover herself up but fortunately, Malfoy didn't come round the door quick enough to see anything.

Once in her room, Hermione pulled on the shorts, once fitting well on her put now were practically falling off her, and a yellow camisole that was basically hanging of her shoulders. She grabbed a sketch pad and pencil and went downstairs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Draco washed his hands and grabbed a towel to dry them. He felt the towel was wet so he threw it to the corner to be washed but as it lay in a heap, he caught sight of something red on the towel. He walked over to it, picked it up and opened it out. On it, there were multiples streaks of blood that were till seeping into the material. _Fuck!_

He ran to the door leading to Hermione's room and tried to open it but it was obviously locked. He raced down the corridor and saw her with her thin, bony legs hooked over the edge of a sofa and she was lying with her back on the seat of it. In her hands was a pad which she was looking at intently.

"Hermione! Oh my God! You're ok?!" Draco cried, sliding into the room.

"Yeah, what's up with you?" Hermione asked rudely.

"From you?!" He yelled. "What the fuck is this!?" He held up the blood stained towel and Hermione paled.

"H-how would I know?" she stammered.

"Because it was clean, you went in for a bath and now it is covered in blood!" he cried.

"How do you know it was clean before?" she asked, racking her brain for some way out of this.

"Are you trying to say that someone got blood on it last year and somehow it stayed wet?" he said exasperatedly.

"W-well, no." Hermione rose to her feet and tried to walk to the corridor but Malfoy caught her by the wrist. She winced.

"Get off me!" Hermione yelped.

He raised his hand with the towel in it and Hermione cowered back in fear.

"I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!" she cried. Draco let go off her wrist.

"What? I'm not going to hurt you. Hermione?" He called as she ran away, trembling, tears streaking her face.

_Why did she act as if I would hit her? What is up with her? She's falling. I can feel her slipping._

Draco wandered back to his room and heard sobbing from Hermione's room. He sighed and went to his bedroom.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hermione lay on her bed sobbing. When Draco had held her wrist like that, she could just see her father's face in his. She could feel the same waves of rage pouring off him. Did Malfoy hate her? _Just one more person to add to the list. _She scrambled over to her desk, wiping the tears away. After picking at a scab, she grabbed one of her new school books and decided to re-read it. After more or less an hour, Hermione had finished it. So, she grabbed 2 more books and a writing pad and shuffled to the common room. She dropped them all on the floor by the sparking fire, grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the squishy carpet, leaning against one of the cool chairs.

She decided to continue the story she'd been working on for a while. Soon she was engrossed in her work and didn't notice Malfoy enter the room.

-

He'd come to get some water as he'd just woken with a sore throat and as he walked in, he saw Hermione. He walked quietly so he didn't disturb her; he didn't want to freak her out again. He studied her in the glowing firelight. Her pale skin was lit softly and her brown eyes seemed to be flickering with the fire. She was writing something intently. Her face was awash with happiness and seemed to bask in the warmth from the fire. She was so gorgeous when she was relaxed. He took in the rest of her. Her clothes were almost falling off her, she was so thin and bones were virtually sticking out of her skin. _She hadn't been eating again probably._ He so badly wanted to gather her frail body in his arms and make every horrible thing in her life better. He wanted to save her from the nightmares. But how could he if she never let him near?

He silently and swiftly moved out of the room, whispered his password and entered his dorm room.

He walked to his bed, slid between the sheets and dropped off with dreams of his love wandering into his mind.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hermione jolted awake. Her fathers laugh still echoing through her head. She opened her eyes to a dying fire chocking out charred embers and ash. She sat up, gathered up her stuff and trailed back to her room. She changed into a knee length, blue dress with long sleeves, pulled on some knee high white socks and slipped on some ballet shoes. She wandered down to the kitchen where Draco was sitting eating some pancakes. He had no shirt on and was only wearing green silk boxers.

"Oh, God!" Hermione yelped as she turned and put her hand over her eyes.

"I'm going out and you'd better have some bloody clothes on when I get back!" Hermione yelled walking blindly towards what she hoped was the door. She walked into it and quickly grabbed the handle and left. She walked swiftly down the stairs and outside. She breathed in the cold, fresh air and made her way down to the edge of the lake. She sat there, hugging herself, trying to keep calm.

_Since when has Malfoy looked hot? He had such muscles and he was so tightly ripped. No. _She told herself. _Don't let yourself fall in love. He hates you. He tried to it you. He's like your father. He'll just try to get whatever it is he wants and then he'll leave you. He wouldn't want you anyway, not after you tempted that bastard. He wouldn't want a tainted little slut like you. _

Her thoughts were broken by two people sitting themselves heavily by her. She looked to her sides to see her two best friends.

"HARRY, RON!!" she was suddenly tackled by the two and bear-hugged. She sat up, wincing as they got off her.

"Hey, why weren't you at the Feast yesterday?" Ron asked her.

"Oh, I had to do Head-Girl business. Sorry" Hermione said flatly.

"What's up, Herms?" Harry said, looking closely at her.

"Nothing. Nothing! For fucks sake!" she yelled as they peered at her intrusively.

"Whatever." They said in unison, standing up.

"She obviously doesn't want to be around us at the moment" sneered Ron and they both walked off, not seeing the tears that slid freely down her face.

She wrapped her arms around her drawn up knees and let the tears fall.

**A/N. Hey, this is longer than it was originally. Cool! I hoped you liked it. I know Hermione's is really 'emo' at the moment but don't worry- it will have a happy ending. Please review with your thoughts/suggestion/flames. Should I continue it?**

**All my love,**

**--Annamh.**

****

****Servo Invicium-Protect each other (latin))

(Ego sum infirmus satis-I am not strong enough)


	4. Chapter 3 Don't Scare Me

Warning- Emo Hermione.

Disclaimer: HP belongs to JKR.

**Chapter 3- Don't scare me.**

Eventually, Hermione forced herself to walk back up to the Head's room. She went into the kitchen, tears still streaming down her face, freely. Draco walked in from the living room and on approach, saw that Hermione was crying. He ran to her.

"What's up, Granger?" He asked cautiously.

"Fuck off Malfoy! I don't want to deal with you at the moment!" she yelled, furiously wiping tears from her face.

"Don't you speak to Draco like that you piece of Mudblood shit!" cried an angry voice. Blaise Zabini was walking towards them menacingly.

"Leave it, Blaise. It doesn't matter."

"Oh, but it does. This little whore needs to learn her place." And as Blaise stepped closer towards her, Hermione's mind was filled with images of her father and her tutor. She walked backwards, heavily into the wall and slid to the floor, clutching her knees. Draco realised the same fear he'd seen last night and pulled Blaise away.

"Leave her. She's not worth it." Draco persuaded.

"I guess."

As the two left, Hermione managed to calm down enough to stand up and get a bottle of water from the fridge. She sipped from it and ran her hand through her bushy hair. She noticed tears were still rolling down her cheeks, so she ran to her room and as soon as the portrait door closed, she ran into the bathroom for her razor but it wasn't there. She stepped lightly, confused, into her room again and went to her sewing kit-no needles or scissors. She tore her room apart, looking for something sharp but couldn't find anything. She dropped to the floor and sobs coursed through her body. An hour later, she heard Draco calling her. She raced out of her room and stopped in front of him. She shook him by the shoulders and yelled at him, hysterically.

"What did you do with my stuff…" she hiccupped "…you self-righteous prick!?" she hit his chest feebly before collapsing on the floor, too tired and upset to yell anymore.

"Are you done now?" Draco asked gently. Hermione nodded miserably. "Ok, you can have your stuff back, when I can trust you." He helped her to her feet and then went to his bedroom.

Hermione sat on the arm of the nearest sofa, stunned. '_What the hell am I going to do now?'_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Late that night, Hermione and Draco were patrolling the corridors. As Hermione reached the end of the fourth corridor, she was suddenly faced with four figures. Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle and Millicent Bulstrode advanced on her. They cornered her and Blaise hissed, "You're going to pay for insulting someone better than you, you mudblood bitch." As punches and kicks rained upon her, Hermione hated no-one else but herself. She couldn't even control the pain anymore. She was so pathetic. '_I hope they kill me. Then I wouldn't have to live with the shame.'_ The last thing she saw before she blacked out was a blond person leaning over her.

When Hermione came round, Draco was carrying her in his arms and they were outside her room.

"Heya. You ok?" asked Draco softly.

Hermione groaned in reply.

"What's the password?" he urged.

"Ego sum infirmus satis" she muttered, too tired to freak out about Malfoy going into her room.

The portrait door opened and Malfoy steeped through. He walked over to the bed and gently laid her on it. He pulled a cool, silk sheet over her body. Sitting down next to her, He looked around her room. The walls and ceiling were covered with drawings. Beautiful, delicate sketches of people from Hogwarts. The pictures were faceless or their features were twisted in anger. Only one, above her bed, looked at her sweetly- a picture of Ginny. There was a painting near the portrait of a fat, bearded face looking out in fierce anger, surrounded by dark reds, purple and oranges.

"Who is he?" Draco began to ask but stopped as he saw Hermione's closed eyes. He smiled lightly and moved to the chair next to the bed. He sat down and eventually dropped off.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Draco awoke early that morning to an ear-piercing scream. He ran to Hermione who was curled underneath the sheet and crying hysterically. He pulled the sheet off and gently held Hermione's shoulders.

"Hermione! Shh. It's Ok. I'm here. It's only me." He hushed. He rubbed her back soothingly. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her. He lay beside her and she slowly uncurled her body. She pulled herself closer to him, to reassure herself. She hugged him tightly and he continued to stroke her back softly. Her sobs ceased after a while. She seemed to wake up and realised what she was doing. She pulled away quickly and ran to the bathroom. She showered quickly and tried not to think about Draco's body against hers. '_Stop thinking about him, you slut' _she told herself harshly. She turned off the shower, stepped out and dried her skin. She wrapped the towel around her body and walked into her bedroom. Draco had already gone so she reached into her wardrobe and pulled out a robe, tie, belt, socks and shoes. She dressed swiftly and packed her school bag. Her body was bruised and covered by cuts but she refused to miss school.

She walked down to the Great Hall and sat beside Ginny Weasley. Hermione greeted her and Ginny gave her a tight hug in return. Throughout the morning, she could feel Harry and Ron's eyes upon her but all she could think of was Draco. Little did she know, that the feeling was mutual. He spent the morning trying to appear to be focusing on the books and assignments but Hermione kept floating into his brain.

As Slytherin and Gryffindor made their way to Potions, Hermione felt her robes snag on one of the scabs from one of the gashes that Blaise had given her with his knife last knife. The scab peeled off completely and she felt blood leak out of it. She grabbed her wand and without anyone noticing, she managed to cast a spell to hide the blood to everyone's eyes. She sighed and felt herself getting dizzier. A combination of hunger, blood-loss, exhaustion and stress took over her body and she just managed to get to her seat in Potions. She could only hear a distant roar in her ears as Snape began to speak. Neville poked her and told her that she was meant to be moving to sit next to Pansy Parkinson. She got up shakily and made her way to the desk but just as she passed Draco's table she suddenly collapsed to the stone floor, hitting her head painfully.

The classroom exploded into chatter and people ran to her. The first to her side was, of course, Draco. He cradled her head, praying for her to be Ok. Snape quickly pushed through the crowd to them. He told Draco to take her to the Hospital Wing and told Potter and Weasley to accompany him. Draco picked her limp form and walked quickly out of the door. He muttered a silent spell to temporarily hide the scars she had caused herself, and undid any of her previous spells. He suddenly saw a patch of wet blood seeping quickly through her robes. He burst into the Hospital Wing with Harry and Ron in tow. He laid her gently on a bed while Harry called over Madam Pompfrey. The three boys looked on, anxiously, as she examined her. She shooed them out of the room as she changed Hermione into a Hospital Robe. She cleaned out the deep gash on her thigh and bandaged it securely. She then cleaned the others and applied Witch Hazel to the bruises. She fed Hermione a spoonful of potion to help speed her healing and then let the three boys go to her side. Draco held her hand and gently swept stray hairs from her face. Ron looked on angrily at the sight but didn't want to wake Hermione by yelling.

Harry asked Madam Pompfrey "Will she be Ok?"

They were told that Hermione could leave the next day but she would have to stay in her dormitory for the next week or so. Draco was instructed to stay with her and to change her bandages regularly. He was given a package of magical bandages and a bottle of Witch Hazel.

"You can stay with her as long as you like Draco but I'm going to have to ask Mr.Potter and Mr. Weasley to leave and go back to their lessons."

"Why does he get to stay?!" whispered Ron angrily.

"Because he's the one who's going to be staying with her all week and I need to teach him how to treat her wounds. Now go!" said Madam Pompfrey.

After Ron and Harry had walked out of the Room, Madam Pompfrey proceeded to lecture Draco on how to care for Hermione.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

That night, Draco sat on a chair by Hermione's bed, holding her hand. His body was racked with sobs and he cried softly "Please wake up, Hermione. I don't know how I can live without you."

An hour later, Hermione's eyelids fluttered open and she groaned as she felt the pain coursing through her body. She looked about, warily and noted that she was in the Hospital Wing. She saw a silvery blond head by her side. He was holding onto her hand and tears were still leaking down his fair cheeks. She reached over and touched his cool cheek softly with her hand. He leaned his face into her touch and his eyes flickered open.

"Hermione?" he asked weakly.

"Draco, why are you here?" Hermione croaked, the words hurting her throat.

"My God! You're awake!" Draco cried happily. He hugged her carefully and then controlled himself.

"Good to see you too." She whispered, smiling weakly.

"Don't scare me like that again." Draco told her sternly as he sat back down.

**A/N. Chapter 3 is finished! WOOHOO! I'll start writing Chapter 4 today and I'll also try to get round to updating Last of Our Kind. I've caught the bug that my kid's got so we're both home ill. ******

**Love you all!!!!**

----**Annamh. xxxxxx**


	5. Chapter 4 Question Time

Warning- Emo Hermione and AU

Disclaimer: HP belongs to JKR.

**Chapter 4- Truth Be Told**

That next week, Hermione gradually began to heal and within a few days was allowed to go back to her own room but what strictly forbidden to go to any of her classes. Meals were brought to her by a house elf three times a day and as soon as the elf had disapparated, Hermione would use the vanishing spell to clean her plates. Draco was still required to attend his lessons but every other moment would be spent with Hermione.  
Day after day he would sit by her bed, silently willing her to talk to him so he could begin to understand what went through her head, but she just lay in stony silence until he would leave for his next lesson and as soon as he had, she was free to curl up and cry her heart out. She longed to tell him the truth so he could comfort her and make everything alright but then the smug little voice in her head would knock her back to reality, _'You're just a stupid, fat Mudblood. Why would someone as perfect as him want a disgusting piece of filth like you?! You disgust everyone around you, even Harry and Ron haven't visited you! And you dared to think of them as your brothers?! You sicken me! You're disgusting. I bet you've even put on weight since the holidays, I bet they fed you when you were in the hospital wing- that would explain why you're so fat. You know it's not good enough unless you're 100lbs. Then you'll be perfect.' _

Everyday, more and more of the poison would spew out her mind, attacking herself with vicious words until, on Friday; she couldn't stop herself from looking. She had kept her scales carefully hidden away under her wardrobe where no one was likely to find them and now she drew them out from beneath, barely able to breathe as her apprehension began to fill her chest. It had been weeks since she'd last braved the scales. She'd been so scared that it would have gone up again. Maintaining she could cope with, but a gain would be intolerable.

Hesitantly, she shed her cotton pyjamas until she was left standing in her socks. Gingerly she stepped onto the dusty scales and closed her eyes, counting down from five before she opened them again. She looked down at the small screen and thought and felt her stomach clench. She stepped off the scales and then back on, checking it wasn't a fluke. But there was no denying it. The red numbers glared up at her: 84.2. How could she be that light and still look so utterly disgusting? She had thought that when she had reached 100lbs she would look perfect, beautiful. But here she was, 15.8lbs lighter than that and she could still see the rolls of fat that covered her shapeless stomach! She stepped over to her mirror feeling like she was in a dream, her surroundings barely noticeable. In the mirror she saw what she had expected- huge, dimpled thighs with mottled skin; wide calves and thick ankles; huge hips merging into the tyre rings of fat that made up her waist; arms that were so thick, they probably carried at least 20lbs each; and her face, distorted and practically unrecognisable by the fat that consumed it. Slowly, the image began to blur as tears dripped down her face. She slowly collapsed onto the floor and lay there, cuddling her legs, clutching them to her naked torso as she surrendered to the racking sobs.

~*~

Hours passed and soon, lessons for the day had finished and Draco raced away- eager to see Hermione once more. He didn't mind her silence, he could just contemplate her beauty- gaunt and emaciated though she was, he couldn't help but see the beauty in her. He reached her portrait door and spoke the password clearly to the painting. As it swung open, he looked towards her bed instinctively, but all he saw was an empty bed, the sheets rumpled. Then, as he stepped into the room, he looked into the corner and saw Hermione huddled on the floor, her tiny frame shaking. He rushed to her and began to whisper soothing words, hushing her, trying to calm her. She automatically shied away but seemed to give up on the idea and just lay there, allowing him to whisper calming words to her. As he spoke, Draco took in her body. He'd never seen the true extent of her problems before but it was all too visible now- her spine was too prominent, her ribs jutted out too far, her skin too pale and translucent. Her legs looked like they couldn't support her for much longer, they were so tiny and her arms looked like they barely had enough skin to cover the bones. He felt physically sick to his stomach, so disturbed by the idea of her doing this to herself. Suddenly, a small shaky voice broke him out of his horrified reverie.

'It's never going to be enough, is it?' she whispered, her voice distorted by her sobs. 'I did what she wanted. I lost all the weight and more! I did everything! But why aren't I thin, Draco? She promised 100lbs would make me perfect! She promised me Draco! Why aren't I thin and beautiful!? I'm meant to be perfect... like you.' Her voice broke off, choked by her sobs. Draco's eyes began to fill with tears as he realised fully what she had said. He pulled her up to his chest and held her against him.  
'Shh, sweetheart. Please, don't listen to her, she's lying to you. You're so much better than perfect. You're so beautiful it's blinding but baby, you have to get better. You have to get past this. Please, it's killing you! And I can't stand to see you hurting. Please, get better, for me. I love you Hermione. And I need you to be alive and well so I can try to convince you to love me.'

Hermione looked up and, hiccupping slightly, asked him curiously, 'What did you say?'  
'I said I loved you, you idiot,' he repeated, unable to keep the small smile of his face at her confusion. 'Now, let's get you dressed and into bed, okay?'  
With a small, permissive nod from Hermione, Draco left her huddled on the floor as he went to her wardrobe and took out a long gray nightdress and took it back over to her, looking at the abandoned scales with disgust as he passed. He carefully helped her to stand and dressed her before swinging her into his arms, ignoring her squeals of protest, and carried her feather light body to her bed where he lay her down gently. As he pulled the sheets up over her body, she stopped him. Her small hand took hold of his wrist and she tried to pull him towards her. He smiled at her attempt and sat beside her on the bed. He quickly unlaced his shoes and was about to remove his socks when he heard her say behind him, 'Don't.' and at his quizzical look, she blushed and confessed, 'I don't like feet.'

Draco let out a snort, but left his socks on and lay next to her. After a hesitant moment, she cuddled up to his side and laid her head on his chest. Draco sighed in contentment and wrapped one arm around her to rest his hand protectively on her back, while the other gently stroked her mad, curly hair. After a few minutes had passed, she began to speak, without any prompting needed on his side. Over the next hour, the small teenage witch told Draco everything- how her mother had been killed when she was 7, in front of her very eyes, by Death Eaters; how she'd been raised by her deranged, alcoholic father who who found no greater pleasure than beating her within an inch of her life or assaulting her with sexual threats and innuendo; of how her teacher had raped and sent her spiralling into a world full of self harm where she would spend her nights sobbing, begging her knife to hurt her as it tore at her flesh, as she longed for some pain to let her know she was alive, that she was real; and how one small comment about how 'curvy' she was from a friend had twisted and distorted her view, so that her healthy weight of 140lbs at 5'6, had become obscene and no matter how hard she had tried she could only see the fat that seemed to grow on her body. After what seemed like a lifetime, she confessed to Draco how she had now plummeted down to 84.2lbs.

When she was finished, she began to sob again, as if as she'd been talking, she was finally hearing how stupid what she'd been doing was.

Draco just lay there, stunned, as he continued to rub comforting circles on her back until she'd finished crying and began to fall into a deep sleep. His mind was swirling with thoughts, full of Hermione's confessions, making sleep impossible. As the night drifted on, he began to think of his next move. How could he help her? Would she let him? Would she ever let herself get better?

A/N-** Heya people of the fanfic world! Sorry I'v been MIA these past 2 years (Almost two years anyway). First year was mainly due to no plot ideas and then just laziness/forgetfullness but then this year I suffered a _major_ relapse with my anorexia and I had to go into Inpatient for a while. But now I'm back and slowly getting better with the support of my family, so yay! :D I hope no-one's too mad at me for the lack of updates! I'll try to update some of my other stories soon but I'm not sure how to end this one so input would be appreciated: a) One more chapter where I conclude it all- probably flashforward- and maybe a sequel later or b) I drag out another couple of chapters with Hermione's recovery. Personally I'm hoping people vote a because I have a better idea of where I can go with it but I want your opinions my lovely reviewers! Please give me feedback, and I hope my writing isn't too dreadful after this long break away from it!**

**--Love as always, Annamh  
xxx**


	6. Chapter 5 Let Me Be Your Hero

Warning- Emo Hermione and AU

Disclaimer: All HP is belonging to JKR.

**Chapter 5- Let Me Be Your Hero**

As the sun rose the following morning, Draco was woken from his thoughts by the small stirrings of the girl curled up beside him, her head gradually slipping of his chest. He shook his head violently, trying to clear his head. Hermione groaned softly and lifted herself to a sitting position. As she wiped her bleary eyes, Draco couldn't help but think of a small child, the cuteness of her movements combined with her tiny, childlike frame. He smiled slightly, watching her. She looked at him with an uneasy smile.

"You're laughing at my hair aren't you; I bet it's become a bush overnight," she complained, frowning at the hair that had fallen around her shoulders.

Draco laughed at her pout, "Nah love, I was smiling at how cute you are."

Hermione gave him a sceptical look and hopped off the bed, making her way to the bathroom. As soon as she closed the door behind her, she thought about the night before. He knew everything about her- every dirty little secret; how sinful, how disgusting and filthy she really was, and yet he was still treating her so perfectly. Why didn't he hate her? He had even said that he loved her. She stood inside the shower after shedding her nightdress and turned the water on full. As the lukewarm water cascaded around her minuscule body she couldn't help but wonder what would await her in her bedroom.

She finished up, brushed her teeth and grabbed a bathrobe. Wrapping it tightly around her body, she marvelled at how much the thick material overlapped. Could this really be her body?

She opened the door tentatively, peering around it and saw Draco lounging on her bed casually, now dressed in new clothes- black jeans, a white top with an open green shirt that had a silver shimmering dragon emblazoned up the side- he was breathtaking. Hermione caught sight of his smirk and snapped herself out of her trance. She moved gracefully over to her wardrobe and took out her oldest pair of jeans, comfy and a worn black, along with a thick long sleeved blue top. She grabbed some underwear quickly and went back to the bathroom to change.

When she came out again, she sat beside Draco and stared at her hands as she picked at her nails, the chipped pink nail varnish barely hiding the purple-blue tinge they now were, and waited for Draco to talk first.

Draco sighed in resignation- he didn't exactly know where to start, but it was obvious that she was going to leave it to him to start things off.

"So…" he said softly, the word hanging in the air like a question. Her head jerked up and her eyes briefly locked onto his.

"Hermione, sweetheart, I'm just going to get straight to the point here. You're slowly killing yourself, you know that, yeah?" Hermione looked away at the wall sadly.

"I know you may not care about that sometimes, or feel no one else does, but I do. I love you so much, and I can't live without you. I don't want to. I need _you_, and I needyou _healthy_. Please sweetheart, let me help you get past this. Please let me help you live."

Hermione raised her eyes slowly to meet his, tears beginning to form in her bloodshot eyes.

"I-I want to believe you love me, I do. I mean, I love you, with all my heart. But I just can't see why you would love me- I'm filth, and you're so perfect. You shouldn't feel you have to degrade yourself by being near me. If it's guilt or pity, get over it, please. I don't want to ruin your life too."

"Hermione, don't ever say that. _Ever_. You are too good for me, you're beyond perfection. All this crap that's been thrown at you in your life, it doesn't touch you- you're better than it and you shine past it. I love you, for _you_, not for pity and not for guilt. I _love you_, okay, accept it. You are not going to get rid of me that easily. Please don't try. I love you and can't cope without you in my life anymore; I can't try and pretend anymore, okay? _Please,_ let me help you." Draco placed his hand onto Hermione's cool emaciated cheek and stroked her cheek gently. "Please let me save you from this, you shouldn't have to go through so much hurt alone."

Tears finally escaped from her lids and streaked down her cheeks, some meeting Draco's hand, but he simply brushed them away. "I don't see why you're so worried though. You act like I'm on death's door here. I'm not, I'm fine and fat as always, the scales must just be faulty."

"You honestly don't know how wrong you are, do you?" he exclaimed. He led her over to the mirror hung on her wall. He took his wand at it and whispered "Ostendo verum". Hermione took in a sharp intake of air. She now, at last, fully took in the limp, knotted hair that hung around her hollow and bony face; her skin that had once been clear and a pale brown that now was greasy and pale with a grey tinge and sallow tint that could rival Snape's; and she saw her horrifying body, the way her clothes hung off her like they would on a coat hanger. She seemed oblivious to Draco now, only focused on her dreadful reflection, as she pulled off her top and unbuttoned her jeans so that they fell down in a heap around her bony ankles.

Hermione stood, staring in revulsion at the reflection, whose ribs stuck out painfully; even those above her breasts seemed to be straining against the pale skin. Her collarbones stuck out, razor sharp and her arms seemed to be frailer than the eldest branches of a tree; her dry skin stretched over the jutting bones of her elbows, shoulders and wrists. Her breasts were now virtually non-existent; the padded bra seemed pathetically empty and her knickers were loose and balanced precariously on the protruding hip bones that highlighted the concavity of her stomach. Her legs were no more than skin stretched over bone and of her back, all was to be seen was the ribs, spine and shoulder blades that seemed to jump out alarmingly everytime she moved.

Hermione let out a sob and crumpled to the floor where she lay sobbing in earnest. Draco went to her and held her unnaturally birdlike frame in his strong arms as she cried.

Soon after, she calmed enough to gasp out "How can you love me? I'm disgusting- so hideously ugly. You must think I'm pathetic for doing this to myself." She broke off as she choked down another sob.

"Hey, sh. Hermione, you are not pathetic, nor are you disgusting. You're just ill and you need to get better ok? And I'm promise I will help you and will be there every step of the way. Is that alright?" Hermione nodded slowly and cautiously sat up again.

"I should probably get dressed. Again," she said hesitantly.  
"Yeah, might be a good start," he replied, a small smirk dancing on his lips, "how about I make us some breakfast while you get sorted okay? We might as well start getting you all better sooner rather than later."

Hermione gave a tiny nod and they moved to their separate tasks. When she was dressed again and had brushed her hair into some type of order, Hermione reluctantly walked to the kitchen area where she was met by a delightful smell of waffles and strawberries. Hermione efficiently set the table for them both and sat down, jittery with nerves. Draco laid a plate with a couple of steaming, sweet waffles, a pile of cut strawberries lying beside them. Draco set his own plate down, with about twice the amount of food on it and brought a pot filled with sugar and a syrup boat with him and set them in the centre of the small table.

"I thought you might want to start of smaller today" he told her indicating her portion and she smiled to him gratefully. Draco picked up one the syrup boat and drowned his waffles in them and then dusted them heavily with the sugar, before digging into them with fervour not dissimilar to the way a starving animal would dive at a scrap thrown to him. Hermione watched him contentedly, occasionally nudging a strawberry with her fork. Draco looked up at her hopefully, glanced down at her basically untouched plate and back up at her. He set down his knife and fork and sat patiently, looking at her expectantly.

Grudgingly, she speared the tiniest bit of strawberry she could see on her fork, and lifted it slowly to her mouth. She sighed with resignation and popped the bit of fruit into her mouth. As she chewed the piece, savouring the sweet taste of it on her tongue, she caught sight of Draco's smile. If she could get a smile just for that, would eating more earn more smiles from him? After all, the smile of an angel had to be worth facing the food. After all it was only some breakfast. She could cope with one plate of food couldn't she? Especially when her reward would be so great. So Hermione began to cut up her waffles into the tiniest pieces she could manage under the close scrutiny of Draco and slowly she began to eat them. After a few bites, Draco seemed to be appeased and he returned to his own breakfast with renewed vigour, a smile still playing on his features.

Draco quickly finished his breakfast and watched as Hermione began to struggle with her food. She got about three quarters of the way through it before pushing it away, exhaustedly.  
"Okay, I literally cannot eat any more. I'm going to explode," she groaned. Draco let out a soft laugh. "How can you eat so much?" she asked him.

"Okay, one, that's kind of a normal amount and two, I'm a guy so I eat quite a bit. You'll get used to eating more, sweetheart. You'll need to eat a lot more than me eventually if you're ever going to gain weight and get better."

"Mmm…" Hermione let out reluctantly. It was such an alien concept- after all this time of dieting, of losing weight being the only thing that mattered; to be told she had to gain weight was disconcerting at the least.

**_AN- Hey all. Sorry I've made you wait so long for an update. But it's up now and I'll do my best to get the last chapter or two up soon but the story is almost over! D= Reviews would be nice ;)_**


End file.
